Transforming Truth:
The beauty and strength of healthy friendships is most fully realized through Christ and His church.
How many of you have ever been in an unhealthy relationship? An unhealthy friendship? Why was this so? The Bible gives us clues as to the reasons why we have experienced negative relationships and the manner in which we can find truly fulfilling friendships in Christ.
Ephesians 2:1-10 As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
The thing that keeps you most often away from Jesus and others is transgressions. Transgressions are the things that you know you ought not to do and do them anyway, or the things that you know you should do and don't do them. This is the way of the world and leads to death in your physical body, spiritual life, financial state and relationships. Make no doubt about it, there is an invisible demonic spirit at work attempting to separate people from God and one another. The spirit at work in the disobedient accuses, lies, violates and fosters all manner of distrust towards God and those with whom you are intended to share life.
How have you been separated from Jesus and others because of things you know you should not do, but do (like giving full vent to every urge or desire that you have for some form of temporary relief)? What about things that you know you should do, but do not (like dedicating yourself to the pursuit of godly friendships rather than believing the lie that you can't "click" with certain people)?
In spite of this, it is God's kindness, His gracious calling that saves you from death, beckoning you into a life of knowing Jesus, His ways and following Him into good works.
Your good works will never save you or give you right standing with God. It is solely the grace that Jesus gave you through His sacrifice on the cross that gives you peace with a holy God. You will never have anything to boast about except that God has loved you and chosen to have mercy on you. This is God's gift. It your faith, your trust in this reality, that enables you to walk in friendship with God as a part of His church.
In the light of this, the good works which God prepared in advance for you to do are designed to pull you out of sin and self-centered living. You are instead to live the fulfilling life which is found when done to the eternal glory of God and not for the rush of fleeting pleasures. God wants you to enjoy the sum of eternal pleasures that are lasting and substantial. They are found when your eyes are turned toward Jesus and His redemptive purposes for your personal psyche, your emotions, your career, your resources, your marriage, your child-rearing and your use of your "downtime."
Martin Luther defined sin with this Latin phrase:
Homo Curvatus In Se
which means that man is turned in on himself. It is the reality that in sin you are always focused on yourself, choosing yourself over God and others, placing yourself in the center of every viewpoint, conversation and pursuit. Your being at the center of the world is unrealistic. Placing yourself there in practice is both unsustainable and destructive to relationships. This self-centeredness is what parents teach children to avoid, but we increasingly afford ourselves this as we age in Western culture.
The ultimate value is attributed to your happiness and what makes you feel good. The self-centered life is, in fact, a life of bondage because you never reach the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It is what Jesus comes to set you free from and give you significance that is God-centered, thus life-giving, everlasting and that which will be rewarded.
Ecclesiastes 5:10-12 Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income. This too is meaningless. As goods increase, so do those who consume them. And what benefit are they to the owners except to feast their eyes on them? The sleep of a laborer is sweet, whether they eat little or much, but as for the rich, their abundance permits them no sleep.
No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the reward for what he gave.
-Calvin Coolidge
Life-Giving Friendship is Found Through Christ and His Church
Unfortunately, some of your experiences have looked like this: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xeNbgEanR58
Ephesians 2:11-22 Therefore, remember that formerly you who are Gentiles by birth and called “uncircumcised” by those who call themselves “the circumcision” which is done in the body by human hands— remember that at that time you were separate from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit. Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.
The divide between Jews and Gentiles of the time was a classic one of ethnic tensions and cultural divides.
In Jesus, the dividing wall is broken down because he absorbed through the penalty of the cross the legitimate offenses that existed between God and people, and people and people. Therefore, you no longer have a right to carry the offense. This is the gospel - that Jesus paid the price for that which created the barrier and brought reconciliation, paving the way for your restored relationship with God and others.
People who are like you:
Animosity between members of the same sex has you perpetuate the adage that you can only get along better with people of the opposite gender rather than your own. This is a tragedy, as there are benefits to same sex friendships that foster understanding, encouragement and strength that you can only receive from someone who is like you.
2 Samuel 1:25-27 “How the mighty have fallen in battle! Jonathan lies slain on your heights. I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me.Your love for me was wonderful,more wonderful than that of women. “How the mighty have fallen! The weapons of war have perished!”
Jesus tears down the walls of hostility and distrust to build a healthy culture of same sex and opposite sex relationships through His cross and His church. He redeems what the world has perverted.
Those who are not:
God puts you together with people unlike you for the sake of greater revelation, character development and purpose. Jesus is intentionally building a multi-ethnic, multi-cultural church here. If you are only surrounded by people like yourself, you may achieve your goals, but not God's.
All of your important God-given relationships in life will be tested to see their durability and provide them with greater worth.
Do you only love God or others because of what they can do for you? If that is the case, what will you do when they do not give you what you want? Job's testing is a classic picture of this refining.
The value of friendship with God has to be friendship with God Himself and not merely the rewards. The benefits are the by-product and not the goal. It is then that you can truly love God and others as Christ loved us. He had nothing to gain, per se, everything to lose, but still chose to pursue you.
We have this as our standard and model to love for our neighbors, spouses, children, co-workers, friends and church community in the same manner. It is when you and I will truly understand the meaning of friendship and love.
Your greatest friendships should be found among your family which are God's people, His church.
Being "built together" is a process. God's goal is that we would become a dwelling in which God dwells by His Spirit. You are not experiencing God in His fullness because you are not fully integrated in His church. Though the Holy Spirit lives in every believer, His fullness is experienced in the collective coming together of His people, His body, the church.
Where have you been relationally with His church? Where are your dividing walls? Are you using the excuse of work, your children or areas of calling to keep you separate from the people that God intends to shape you? How do they need to come down so that you can come from the outside, in?
Find a place to volunteer in the church and build a legacy with people.
This is the love that we invite the lost world into that they might meet Jesus, be saved and restored through the healthy, rather than dysfunctional, relationships within the church.
Practical
How do you plan to come out of sin into the good works which God has prepared for you? Ask Jesus daily for the good works that He has planned for you to accomplish that day and with whom you are to do them.
This week, who are you going to build friendship with to tear down the dividing wall? Find a community group and begin building a life of friendship and service with the people of your church community.
Second City Church- Friends with Benefits Sermon Series 2015