The Real World: Corinth - "Jesus, Singleness and Marriage"
[powerpress] Transforming Truth: God has great fulfillment in both seasons of singleness and marriage which can only be realized as you center your life around Jesus.
As Paul was writing his first letter to the Corinthians, much of it was in response to questions raised by the church members in a previous letter written to Paul. The questions that the Corinthians posed are similar to questions with which we wrestle today and about which we are to look to Jesus for guidance. In the rest of the letter to the Corinthians, these matters include marriage (7:1), singleness (7:25), sacrifices to idols (8:1), spiritual gifts (12:1), and the collection of offerings for God's people (16:1).
The sexuality that we spoke of last week is a perfect segue into this week's topic of Jesus, singleness, and marriage. This is not meant to be an exhaustive commentary on the subject, merely an address to the particular issues that were raised by the Corinthians and with which we wrestle. These topics will be discussed in greater detail and depth in forthcoming series. We will speak today of singleness and marriage in terms of the gospel and sex, "that in between place," and trusted paths in our singleness and marriage.
The Gospel and Sex
Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Corinthians 7:1-9 NIV)
Sex and sexuality are celebrated in the highest of terms in the Bible. Finding the right venue and terms for such a relationship is the issue. As this section begins, Paul acknowledges the abundance of sexual temptation that exists in the Corinthian, as well as our, culture. This is true for both men and women, with the realities of natural desire within dating relationships, pornography, sexual addictions, illicit attractions, and clandestine relationships always at our doorstep. Both men and women need to be free to come into the light about these issues, having secrecy and shame removed at the cross of Jesus Christ. There is both grace for repentance and forgiveness for the wayward at the throne of Jesus. The church is to be a safe place where issues involving illicit relationships, violations, and secret sins can be brought into the light, healing received, and strength in God restored. The relationships formed in community groups are a perfect tool for this. As things are being stirred in your heart this morning, please know that community groups are a place in addition to Sunday where you can build relationships to receive ongoing prayer, support, and ministry.
As a concession, Paul says very plainly that it is better to have sexual desires fulfilled in the blessed covenant of monogamous marriage than to burn with passion. Marriage is superior to the alternatives of condemnation-ridden hook-ups and the devaluation of pre-marital relations without the security of life-long commitment. Though there has been a decline in the percentage of American adults who are married (http://stateofourunions.org/2012/social_indicators.php#marriage), we need to discuss marriage, since at least half of the population will be married at some point.
In marriage, sex is to be enjoyed regularly and fully, where neither the man nor the woman treats their bodies as their own, but that which belongs to their spouse.
However, I must stress that your body does not belong to another until marriage, and until then you are responsible to protect your purity. When married, it is to be the husband's mindset that the wife's fulfillment is to be honored over that of the husband, and, likewise, the wife's mindset that the husband's fulfillment is to be honored over the fulfillment of the wife. It is a mutual submission. The adage of our culture that says that we have the right to do with our own bodies what we want is not a biblical one. Being in the mood is not a prerequisite for intimacy. A life centered in selfless gospel living where we are looking to the interests of others over our own, in this case our spouses, is the key.
That In Between Place
To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? (1 Corinthians 7:10-16 NIV)
The trap from which people are trying to escape today is summarized in this statement:
"You can be single and lonely or married and bored." - Chris Rock
In doing so, young people especially are trying to find a middle ground of co-habitation, sexual liberty, and prolonged engagement that they believe will leave them satisfied while avoiding the disappointments introduced through a culture of divorce. Unfortunately, the statistics reveal results to the contrary:
In a study entitled, The State of Our Unions: 2002 - Why Men Won't Commit conducted by the National Marriage Project, people who cohabit before marriage end up getting divorced at higher rates than those who do not cohabit before the nuptials. Additionally, a 2010 Pew Center report entitled, "The Decline of Marriage," also concluded that 84% of married people surveyed were highly satisfied with their family lives, as opposed to 71% of those living with a partner, 66% of those remaining single, and 50% of those who are divorced or separated.
What the results imply is that you can be driven by an unwarranted fear of commitment. Additionally, the themes of "falling in and out of love," propagated by our culture, gives unreasonable expectations for mature, fulfilling progress in our relationships.
In the following quote from C.S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters, you have this designation of characters:
The speaker: Screwtape, a devil The recipient: Wormwood, another devil The Enemy: God Our Father: Satan
"The Enemy's demand on humans takes the form of a dilemma; either complete abstinence or unmitigated monogamy. Ever since our Father's first great victory, we have rendered the former very difficult to them. The latter, for the last few centuries, we have been closing up as a way of escape. We have done this through the poets and novelists by persuading the humans that a curious, and usually shortlived, experience which they call 'being in love' is the only respectable ground for marriage; that marriage can, and ought to, render this excitement permanent; and that a marriage which does not do so is no longer binding...."
As an example, not found in The Screwtape Letters:
“The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself.” ― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray
"In the first place, humans who have not the gift of continence can be deterred from seeking marriage as a solution because they do not find themselves 'in love', and, thanks to us, the idea of marrying with any other motive seems to them low and cynical. Yes, they think that. They regard the intention of loyalty to a partnership for mutual help, for the preservation of chastity, and for the transmission of life, as something lower than a storm of emotion...In the second place, any sexual infatuation whatever, so long as it intends marriage, will be regarded as 'love', and 'love' will be held to excuse a man from all the guilt, and to protect him from all the consequences, of marrying a heathen, a fool, or a wanton." -C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters - Letter 18
There are two modern mentalities that are incorrect when it comes to singleness and marriage:
1) I, not God, am to define the value and terms of marriage.
Marriage was God's creation and His first institution that He blessed. It is God who introduced the idea of companionship, and He knows its best goals, manners, orientations, and boundaries. God said that it is not good for man to be alone. Out of His goodness and wisdom His desire is that, as we reflect his Trinitarian relationship, which includes trust and submission to His design, the joy of individuals, as well as the flourishing and continuation of all healthy societies, will result.
Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. (Genesis 2:19-25 NIV)
Biblical, Christian, God-endorsed marriage is meant to be between a man and a woman for their pleasure, protection, procreation, pruning, and fulfillment of the purposes of God.
He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22 NIV)
Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. (Proverbs 19:14 NIV)
When you are building your singleness and future marriage on the gospel of grace and forgiveness, no-fault divorce ceases to be an option. God's commitment to you as another flawed individual in Christ is the standard, and you are to work on your marriage relationship. It is only when someone refuses to repent, to change, or to work on things that Christ allows someone to go their own way. There are biblical means for divorce, including abandonment by an unbelieving spouse, sexual infidelity and the like; however, not getting along is not an acceptable reason. If there are unfortunate circumstances that lead to divorce, there is still hope in the gospel that shows you how to live in this new season of your life.
The truth is, at some point in your life, you will be single. Some balk at this, count it a curse, and run as quickly and far away from it as they can. Some people know no peace unless they are identified as having a boyfriend, girlfriend, or significant other because they find their value in the human they belong to rather than in God who can make them whole. Loneliness overtakes us when we balk at God's community, the church, not realizing that it was His design for singles and married couples to live a happy life. It is in church community where Jesus puts the lonely in families and through which you fulfill your God-ordained purpose.
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land. (Psalm 68:5, 6 NIV)
You must recognize that in the Bible, singleness is described as a gift, though it would have been outside of the norm of Roman culture. It is less of an anomoly today, but is it for the right reasons?
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/28/opinion/sunday/why-do-people-still-bother-to-marry.html?_r=0
2) Marriage will hinder you from fulfilling your life potential or purpose.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NIV)
Your years of singleness should be those in which you are fully devoted to Jesus where you are using your extra time, resources, and energy to advance the kingdom of God. You do this in church community, and, through your singleness, you should not be molded by, but be an active shaper of your friends, co-workers, city, and culture.
As for younger widows, do not put them on such a list. For when their sensual desires overcome their dedication to Christ, they want to marry. Thus they bring judgment on themselves, because they have broken their first pledge. Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also busybodies who talk nonsense, saying things they ought not to. So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander. Some have in fact already turned away to follow Satan. (1 Timothy 5:11-15 NIV)
The question then becomes, how are you to live during this period of your life? Jesus was single during his earthly ministry and showed that there can be a happy, fruitful, meaningful life as a Christian, free from sin, stigmas, and despair. He had great community within what would become the church, the family of believers who loved God and shared in His mission on the earth. If you are single, you are to do likewise. If you are married, you are also to do the same, not allowing your family to be cloistered away and an idol unto itself.
Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised. Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God’s commands is what counts. Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them. Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. For the one who was a slave when called to faith in the Lord is the Lord’s freed person; similarly, the one who was free when called is Christ’s slave. You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings. Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them. (1 Corinthians 7:17-24 NIV)
The grass is always greener on the other side.
Marriage is a sanctifying agent that brings joy and fulfillment. Singleness is just as holy of a calling where you are set apart during that time to undivided focus on the Lord's kingdom advance.
Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away. I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better. A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God. (1 Corinthians 7:25-40 NIV)
The first thing that we must understand is that there is a context for this passage and the circumstances to which Paul is writing. It is found in v. 26 where Paul talks about the "present crisis." This may have referred to a number of things, including a food shortage of that time that was recorded by the Roman historian Tacitus. These food shortages could often induce social unrest and riots. Regardless, when considering whether to remain single or to get married, there are circumstances that you want to consider.
For example:
1) Is there some sort of mortal threat to your life, that if married and you had children, would leave your children without a parent?
2) Is there a suitable spouse for you- one that belongs to Jesus, loves Him passionately, not nominally, and will be a partner to you in pursuing His purposes together?
In the following quote, you have this designation of characters:
The speaker: Screwtape, a devil The recipient: Wormwood, another devil The great masters: other devils
"It is the business of these great masters to produce in every age a general misdirection of what may be called 'sexual taste'. This they do by working through the small circle of popular artists, dressmakers, actresses and advertisers who determine the fashionable type. The aim is to guide each sex away from those members of the other with whom spiritually helpful, happy, and fertile marriages are most likely....It is all fake, of course; the figures in the popular art are falsely drawn; the real women in bathing suits or tights are actually pinched in and propped up to make them appear firmer and more slender and more boyish than nature allows a full-grown woman to be. Yet at the same time, the modern world is taught to believe that it is being 'frank' and 'healthy' and getting back to nature. As a result we are more and more directing the desires of men to something which does not exist - making the role of the eye in sexuality more and more important and at the same time making its demands more and more impossible. What follows you can easily forecast." -C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters - Letter 20
Every time that we come together for church services, we are setting a stake in the ground for the worship of and honor of Jesus Christ. We are saying, in fact declaring, that it is not just about our personal faith or endeavors, but about the corporate purposes of God and His pleasure found in the advance of His kingdom in the earth. Part of those purposes are revealed and established both through seasons of singleness and marriage.
Trusted Paths in Our Singleness and Marriage
The trusted path in your singleness is understanding God's purpose in your singleness. It is not to live selfishly, wasting your time, talent, and resources on whatever you want to do. It is so that you can live in undivided devotion to the Lord Jesus, His gospel and kingdom purposes. This is true for as long as you are single, whether for a season or as a lifelong call. Do not deceive yourself to live beneath this or otherwise.
I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. (1 Corinthians 7:32, 35 NIV)
The conclusion for finding and committing to an acceptable spouse is this:
1) If you are a Christian, your potential spouse must belong to Jesus and show evidence of following Him wholeheartedly.
2) Prayerfully acknowledge the Lord Jesus, and see what He thinks about your potential spouse (Proverbs 3:5-8).
3) You are to follow the biblical pattern of seeking godly counsel from your parents, leaders in your church community, and peers who also love Jesus. They can many times give you a broader, objective view about your romantic decisions. It is for our protection that we are open to and submit to Christ-appointed relationships in our lives.
Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. (Proverbs 15:22 NIV)
This is the same community with which you are to grow in love and godliness in both your singleness and marriage. It is a gift to have those who know you, your strengths and weaknesses, that will support you in seeing your relationships become all that God intended them to be.
4) Having done these things, you may marry whoever you want, as long as they belong to Jesus!
All of this is really a metaphor for selfless living exemplified by Jesus for us in the gospel. He came not to simply have His needs met, but to enter into relationship with you, satisfying all of your deficiencies in His life, death on the cross, and resurrection from the dead. You can only be fully reconciled to God and satisfied in your soul through Jesus. Once you are, you have the ability to live unselfishly in service to the one with whom you are looking to build a life to the glory of God. The summary is found in the fact that whether you are single or married, live wholeheartedly for Jesus and His gospel purposes in the season in which you find yourself!
Take-home Truths
1) Allow God to define the non-negotiables of your relationships.
2) If you are presently married, prayerfully and with godly counsel, determine how to treat your spouse in an honorable fashion.
3) If you are presently in a romantic relationship other than marriage, pursue godly, accountable relationships through which you can make sure that the romantic relationship is centered around Jesus and His purposes.
4) Further learn how to center your life around the purposes of God, whether in singleness or in marriage, by participation in a community group.
Second City Church: The Real World- Corinth Sermon Series 2013