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The Big Ten: Love the One You’re With
Pastor Rollan Fisher
The commandments of God remind us that God is a consuming fire, burning up what is detrimental and lighting a flame for what will be eternally life-giving to us.
God’s Word is ALWAYS SUPERNATURALLY DERIVED, with PRACTICAL APPLICATION.
This means that God’s commands are the every day ways to love and worship Him while looking out for the benefit of others, as well as your own.
More than a means to simply cross your will, God’s commands lead to the created world’s, humanity’s and your personal good.
Both commandments seven and eight have to do with how much we feel like we have vs. how much we think we need to be satisfied.
This is, in effect, God starting to get into your stuff.
Remember, in each of these commandments, God is trying to set you free.
Focus: You will experience greater satisfaction when you obey the commands of God.
Partner
Possessions
Perfect Satisfaction in Christ
Partner
God wants to be at the center of your desires.
Commandment #7:
Exodus 20:14
“You shall not commit adultery.”
We realize that many of the commands of God now seem counter-cultural.
However, Jesus gave this clear instruction:
Matthew 5:17-20
17 “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. 18 For truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished. 19 Therefore whoever relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. 20 For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
Now let’s speak about adultery.
According to Jesus, adultery is not just a physical interaction, but it begins in the heart.
*It is closer to home and involves the trappings of what is offered as every day entertainment.
Can there be adultery in singleness?
Matthew 5:27-30
27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.
What does it mean to gouge out our eyes or cut off our hands?
It means to cut off your access to any habit or relationship that would cause you to sin.
A good Lenten goal may be abstaining from some of the normal entertainment, social media or otherwise and see how your pipes get cleaned.
King David, the Second king of Israel who had his own failings with adultery, said this:
Psalm 101:1-4
I will sing of steadfast love and justice; to you, O Lord, I will make music. I will ponder the way that is blameless. Oh when will you come to me? I will walk with integrity of heart within my house; I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless. I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not cling to me. A perverse heart shall be far from me; I will know nothing of evil.
It is when he did not practice this command that he inevitably fell with Bathsheba.
Do not sacrifice God’s convictions for the sake of entertainment.
We know that it is a struggle when you are inundated with a culture bent against Biblical purity.
However, God is holy and will fight for you and strengthen you to walk in the freedom of holiness.
God makes a good promise when he says this:
1 Corinthians 10:12-14
Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.
In God, our many spiritual and physical infidelities can be redeemed, so that there is hope for marriages and psyches that have been damaged by sin.
2 Corinthians 6:16-7:1
What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.” Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God.
Singleness of devotion to God frees you from the entrapments of the world that spring from trying to please others (I Corinthians 7).
*Purity is freeing because it allows us to focus on cultivating the very relationships that God is looking to bless.
Adultery in marriage
We have compassion for those who’ve been through the pain of adultery and a message of hope for those who've been involved in such sin.
We know that it is a serious matter since marital unfaithfulness is the only legitimate justification that Jesus sites as a reason for divorce (Matthew 19:1-12 - though things like abuse are a further discussion).
If that is the case, why do people commit adultery?
Amongst many reasons, people often site dissatisfaction in their relationships.
Because of the relational dynamics with their significant other, those who commit adultery feel like they are withering from some form of neglect or missing something that they feel like they are due.
When those in this situation feel like cultivating their present field won’t work, they look for easier pastures.
This too, however, can be a form of idolatry, where we have chosen the promise of an emotional or physical savior over our devotion to God and our spouses.
Yet idols are deceiving since the devil, who is the father of lies (John 8:44) is making empty promises through them.
*Always remember it is easier to love people at a distance and those that you don’t really know.
Think about the club scene.
The great tragedy is we idealize people we see only on social media, or with whom we have minimal interactions.
We neglect and villanize the people we actually do life with, those that we live around and those in our own homes.
It is easier to think well of someone when you don’t have to interact with them regularly.
It will always be the case that when you do, you see their shortcomings and their imperfections - their sins.
Think about a vanity mirror.
The only reason you think so well of people you put on pedestals is because you are not close enough to them.
And in this distortion, you place judgment on, criticize and become dissatisfied with those with whom you actually have the opportunity to have relationship.
This is the great trap of the devil - the greener pasture syndrome.
It happens in marriages, friendships, churches and workplaces all of the time.
You have too many options and convince yourself you have connections that you simply do not.
In the meantime, you end up neglecting the land God’s actually given you.
This is not love.
It is fantasy.
In the case of marriage, adultery, having “a little something on the side”, seems like a viable way out - but should you take it?
“An idolatrous attachment can lead you to break any promise, rationalize any indiscretion, or betray any other allegiance, in order to hold on to it. It may drive you to violate all good and proper boundaries. To practice idolatry is to be a slave.”
-Timothy Keller, Counterfeit Gods: The Empty Promises of Money, Sex, and Power, and the Only Hope That Matters
Let’s talk about sex
Too many people feel dissatisfied with their intimate lives because of what they watch online, thinking their lives are supposed to simulate the fabricated portrayals that they see on the screen.
People grab for greater highs that can never be satisfied until a violation of some sort occurs.
God wants to protect you from this while blessing you with holy fulfillment.
It is not your spouse’s responsibility to keep you from sin.
If you are married, your body is not your own, though is to be treated by your spouse with respect, gentleness, consideration and honor (I Corinthians 7).
Your intimacy should not be limited to sex, but it is given by God in marriage for procreation, our pleasure (Song of Solomon) and protection.
It is the responsibility of the spouse to love God and not commit adultery, even if the other is in the sin of withholding sexually.
Sin is not condoned as a response to sin.
There will be different seasons of ups and downs in life, times that you feel closer or less connected to your spouse.
However, in every season, God has given marriage to be a place of safety, security, encouragement and protection as you are passing through these varied times.
Deeming your relationship unsatisfying emotionally, sexually or even financially does not give you permission to look outside of the covenant to have your needs met.
The first place we go in all things is to God in his Word and prayer to have our soul (mind, will and emotions) filled in Him.
From that place of renewed strength we have hope to cultivate our marriages for the good, even as there may be suffering as you wait on that change.
This, too, is participating in the sufferings of Christ.
Times of infirmity are an example of why you need self control.
But is there prolonged hope?
*Enjoying the life within which you’ve found yourself can be realized when you learn to patiently and persistently cultivate that which God has entrusted to you.
There is hope for you in your marriage - that you’ll be able to thrive in your communication, intimacy and purpose together as you submit all three of these things to Jesus.
When you meet God in each of these areas, it fills you to understand that your fidelity to your spouse who you can see is to be a reflection of your faithfulness to the Lord who you can not see.
Fidelity is about loving God before and even above you love your spouse.
By loving God who is unchanging, you gain a deeper appreciation for your spouse who will forever be changing (whether spiritually as they become more like Christ, physically or mentally as they age).
Adultery is quenched by the fear of the Lord and an active cultivation of the relationship that you have with your spouse.
Possessions
You don’t have to steal that which God wants to provide.
Commandment #8:
Exodus 20:15
“You shall not steal.”
In the very real and no judgment event that you’ve fallen on hard times, please do not feel like you need to steal to meet your needs.
If you or someone you know is dealing with food scarcity or basic needs of clothing and shelter not being met, there are various loving church ministries with whom we partner throughout the city that can help meet those practical needs while you look to get back on your feet.
Please reach out and let us know.
*People often steal when they are convinced that they do not have enough (or there is no help for their situation).
We don’t want to steal from other people or from God.
When you understand God as your provider, you know that every need will be met as you are diligent to follow His commands, working hard and stewarding his resources according to his commands.
When God is your source, you will not steal because you know that you can not ultimately keep that which God does not bless.
We want to first make sure that we are not robbing God.
In the book of Malachi, God shared a curious Scripture when he said:
Malachi 3:7-12
From the days of your fathers you have turned aside from my statutes and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you, says the Lord of hosts. But you say, ‘How shall we return?’ Will man rob God? Yet you are robbing me. But you say, ‘How have we robbed you?’ In your tithes and contributions. You are cursed with a curse, for you are robbing me, the whole nation of you. Bring the full tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. And thereby put me to the test, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you a blessing until there is no more need. I will rebuke the devourer for you, so that it will not destroy the fruits of your soil, and your vine in the field shall not fail to bear, says the Lord of hosts. Then all nations will call you blessed, for you will be a land of delight, says the Lord of hosts.
This is explained well when we understand our New Testament dynamic in Christ:
“‘I’ll tell you why you don’t see the tithing requirement laid out clearly in the New Testament. Think. Have we received more of God’s revelation, truth, and grace than the Old Testament believers, or less?’ Usually there is uncomfortable silence. ‘Are we more ‘debtors to grace’ than they were, or less? Did Jesus ‘tithe’ his life and blood to save us or did he give it all?’ Tithing is a minimum standard for Christian believers. We certainly wouldn’t want to be in a position of giving away less of our income than those who had so much less of an understanding of what God did to save them.”
-Timothy Keller, Counterfeit Gods, Hodder and Stoughton, 2009, pg 62.
Dr. Keller went on to say:
“Jesus warns people far more often about greed than about sex, yet almost no one thinks they are guilty of it.”
-Timothy Keller
The Old and New Testaments have about 800 Scriptures combined regarding wealth, including verses on savings, investments, income, tithing, offering, spending, running a business, family budgets, etc.
Jesus spoke about money about 25% of the time because it has and will always be such a big issue in your life.
Jesus' teaching ultimately comes down to your perspective regarding money, its source, and whether or not you trust God to instruct you about what to do with it.
Yet it is not just about our giving, it is also about how we execute our work.
Especially in things like the remote pandemic work, “do not steal” means making sure that you are in integrity, working the hours for which you are being paid and not undercutting from your employer.
It means remembering that you are working for the Lord, not people and your reward will come from God.
This also allows you to achieve while reinforcing the proper boundaries of placing God and his commands first.
Colossians 3:22-25
Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.
God knows our needs and there are so many promises regarding his provision in the Scripture.
When you have God as your source, you have greater faith, encouragement and ingenuity for righteous provision because you know that it is the Lord who gives you the power to produce wealth when you do things His way.
Deuteronomy 8:18
You shall remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you power to get wealth, that he may confirm his covenant that he swore to your fathers, as it is this day.
*Giving God and others what they are due is freeing because we know that we have God’s backing to bless that which we entrust to him.
We do not have to steal because we have an inheritance from the Lord as a reward for obeying his commands.
Perfect Satisfaction in Christ
You can live a truly satisfying life with Jesus at the center.
In Jesus, not only was the wrath of God satisfied for our sins against our holy God, but he became the existential solution to our souls’ need for satisfaction.
Because everything into which I sow for Jesus will last forever, I know that my greatest loves will endure and my soul will be eternally satisfied in Christ.
Perfect Satisfaction in Christ regarding:
Relationships - eternal, ever-living family (Mark 10:28-31)
Health - eternal vitality (I Corinthians 15)
Provision - eternal treasure (Matthew 6:19-24)
Purpose - eternal responsibility and reward (Revelation 1-3)
Pleasure - eternal joy (Psalm 16:11)
Soul Gratifying Worship - eternal life, intimate knowledge of and fellowship with God (John 17:3)
And so the cross of Jesus becomes a beautiful thing to me because in it, not only did he fully satisfy the wrath of God, but he opened the door to which all true needs can also ultimately be satisfied in me when I obey his commands, whether now or in the life to come.
Second City Church - Pastor Rollan Fisher 2021